I know what you're thinking--TAYLOR! What's up with all the movie-related stuff? Here's the answer: this blog is mainly for creative writing, but I'm pretty entertainment-savvy in general, and sometimes, my opinions need to get out. So there.
So I was just going back and watching some of the hosts of the Academy Awards from the past decade, and I was thinking about how some of them were REALLY GOOD, and how others James-Franco'd it up. So, here's a ranking of the Oscar hosts of the 2000s. (Some will only appear once, even though they hosted more than once).
10. James Franco & Anne Hathaway (2010)
Because the Oscars had to crap somewhere.
"WHAT'S THIS? TAYLOR IS BEING MEAN?" Well, go look it up. James Franco walked out on stage with his PHONE in hand. Maybe he wanted to capture the moment. Funny thing is, nobody else did.
Anne Hathaway was better; she tried to keep it afloat because James Franco was just a big block with a teleprompter. But if you watch interviews to this day, after Anne won her big golden boy for Fantine, even SHE thinks the hosting was bad. Tina Fey, at the 2013 Golden Globes, said: "Anne Hathaway, you delivered a stunning performance in Les Miserables. I have never seen someone so alone and abandoned since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars."
And that pretty much sums it up. D-
9. Jon Stewart (2005)
Does anyone even REMEMBER Jon Stewart?
Not really. No.
And two nights after Jon Stewart hosted the Oscars, everyone in Hollywood was thinking the exact same thought: "I voted for 'Brokeback Mountain.'"
Maybe he was in kind of a lame movie year, but whatever. It was still kinda unmemorable.
I'm not gonna say he was BAD, but not very memorable, so we'll give him a B-
8. Chris Rock (2004)
So, I liked Chris Rock's 77th Annual Academy Awards, but he wasn't better than the ones that are coming up next. Here's why:
He kinda played favorites. For instance, he got WAAAAAAY into the whole "Fahrenheit 911" thing. And he said that "Rocky 5 sucked." Which I suppose it did. But whatever.
He was good, but fairly average, so he gets a B+
7. Hugh Jackman (2008)
I haaaaaaaave a very annoying vibraaaaatoooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Just kidding; you know you loved his opening number. He may be a bit egotistical and obsessed with other actresses, but he's great. He's got a good presence. His last line was the best: "I'M WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!"
Which brings me to a question: why was everyone so surprised when he signed on to do Les Miserables? Just sayin'.
He gets an A-
6. Ellen DeGeneres (2006)
She was awesome. No doubt about it. Especially when she asked Martin Scorsese to read a screenplay she "wrote." Funny stuff, that is. Would I say no? Not here. "Sitting at home with half a box of chardonnay in me, who knows what I'd say."
Heh-heh, yeeeeeeaaaahhhhhhh......
She was funny. She deserves a good solid A
5. Steve Martin (2001)
Ok, he was funny. It was hard to decide who was better: Ellen or Steve. But I went with Steve, because when an actor makes fun of Hollywood, it's just funny. And when he makes fun of Russell Crowe. I just want to know what he would have said if he were hosting it the year of Les Miserables. :)
But Steve Martin is just awesome. He totally played off the snobby Hollywood stereotype perfectly. "Please, save your applause until it's for me."
He gets a snobby ol' A
4. Seth McFarlane (2012)
Yep. Some will disagree. But he cracked me up. Comedy=awesome. Effort=awesome. Musical numbers=awesome.
Yep. Especially his whole thing with William Shatner. Sure it ran on a little long, but whatever. It was funny.
He, like the past two, gets an A
3. Whoopi Goldberg (2001)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
She cracks me up. When Whoopi Goldberg flew down on a trapeze in her crazy "sexy beast" costume, it was hilarious. The end. Amen. Hallelujah.
She gets an A+
2. Billy Crystal (2003)
Who doesn't LOVE Billy Crystal? Entertainment Weekly, maybe. But WE all love him. He's hosted nine times and just keeps coming back. He's been great every time, from his great entrances to his opening songs. And that's all I have to say about him.
He gets an A+, but he isn't first place because of...
.......
1. Steve Martin & Alec Baldwin (2009)
Ok, they're my favorite and I would never apologize for it. They had soooo many movies they could make fun of, and I never get tired of re-watching them. They just went around the room and came up with ways to mock someone or something. Here's a link to their awesomeness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBZj7qIOAE8
Favorite line from that night:
Steve: "Ok look, it's Sandra Bullock! Who doesn't LOVE Sandra Bullock?"
Alec: "Well, tonight we may find out."
A++++++++++
Thanks for reading! Got any different opinions? Put 'em in the comments.
c. Taylor Ward 2013. All rights reserved.
